


"I'm broken Sev."

by SlytherclawRain02



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 01:18:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16713802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherclawRain02/pseuds/SlytherclawRain02
Summary: Warning!!!! This one shot contains suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts. It also contains self-harm, depression and rape. If any of this triggers you, please leave now.





	"I'm broken Sev."

Harry's POV

Dream

"Boy! Get up and make us breakfast! It's not going to make itself, you filthy freak!" I heard as Vernon's meaty fist pounded on my cupboard door. I quickly opened the door and stepped out, staring down at my feet so not to anger my Uncle. "Yes sir." I said quietly as I made my way into the kitchen. Aunt Petunia sneered at me before handing me a small piece of paper listing what I was to make for breakfast. 

I quickly began to cry bacon and eggs while simultaneously making and buttering toast. As I reached to pull out the toast, my arm knocked the glass butter dish to the linoleum floor where it shattered. Pale and shaking, I cleaned up the mess and finished making breakfast. 

I knew what was required of me. I had to tell Uncle Vernon of my mistake. Else he would find out later and my punishment would be worse. After I set the table and everyone had eaten, Vernon had retired to his armchair in the living room. I paused and took a shaky breath before approaching and kneeling in front of Vernon. 

"Sir, while I was cooking breakfast, I broke the glass butter dish. I apologize for my mistake and accept whatever punishment you see fit to give me." I said, all the while anticipating the cruel punishment I would no doubt receive. 

Uncle Vernon's face turned a sickly shade of purplish red as his body shook with rage. "After all I've done for you boy, this is how you repay me!? I've clothed you, fed you, put a roof over your head!" Vernon's voice boomed , making my head pound. His thick hand clasped the back of my neck as he lifted me off my feet and took me to my 'fun' room. 

Vernon slammed the door closed before throwing me on the bed. I stayed still and made no sound as I knew that if I screamed or begged it would only make him madder and everything would be ten times worse. I looked up as Vernon approached with a sick smile on his face.

"Get on your stomach boy and ass in the air! And if you make a sound, I swear I'll make you pay!" I quickly complied and turned onto my stomach and bent st o stick my bum out. My heart dropped as I felt Vernon yank off my pants and underwear. I nearly sobbed as I heard the telltale sign of a zipper. 'Gods, he's going to rape me!' I thought as I mentally screamed. 

Suddenly, I felt the most intense pain of my life as I felt something slam it's way into me. By sure will power, I managed to stay silent but I could do nothing to stop the stream of tears. I was aware of something pounding into me and of Vernon moaning above me. 'Please, just let this end.' I thought while sobbing.

After a few more minutes of pain, I heard Vernon shudder and let out one last moan. I felt something hot filling me up and leaking out of me as Vernon pulled out. He turned to me and grabbed me by my throat and shoved me into the bed. "One word of this to anybody and you'll wish I'd kill you! Understood, freak?!" I nodded frantically and he turned away, satisfied. He left and I heard the telltale sound of locks. I just laid there for awhile before I soon succumbed to sleep.

Dream ended

I woke crying, with phantom pains of my past. I sat up and buried my head into my hands. I heard a soft snore beside me and I turned and stared at my bondmate. Severus Snape lay beside me, sleeping with a small smile upon his face. One of the only times he did smile was when he was asleep or with me. I sighed and gently got up out of bed, trying not to wake him.

Walking out of our room in Severus's quarters, I headed towards my office. Once I was inside, I settled I side my chair and opened up one of my desk drawers. I pulled out a small black box and slipped it into my pocket. Deciding on what to do next, I picked up a couple pieces of parchment and a quill. I began to write.

My first letter was to my best friend Ron Weasley.

Dear Ron, I can only begin this letter by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being able to be there for you and Hermione's wedding. I'm sorry for putting you through this. I'm sorry for forcing you to mourn me. But most of all, I'm sorry that you had to be my friend in the first place. By the time you get this letter, I'll already be gone. All I can ask of you, is please take care of Hermione and yourself and go on living your life. I love you both so much. I hope that you both have the best life you could possibly live. Goodbye Ron.       Love, Harry Potter

My second letter was to my basically sister Hermione Granger.

Dear Hermione, please don't blame yourself. I know you'll want to. It wasn't your fault you didn't know. Nobody knew. Please just focus on Ron and the family you are starting with him. It's not like I deserve to be missed anyway. I know you want to know why so I guess I'll briefly explain. Every since I was tall enough to reach the stove, I was forced to work as a slave to the Dursley's. Eventually it just lead to physical, mental, and sexual abuse. Not to mention my self-harming and suicidal thoughts. Just please live on with your life. And please know I'm sorry and I love you so much sis. Hermione  
Goodbye Hermione.         Love, Harry Potter

My third and final letter was to the love of my life and my bondmate Severus Snape.

Dear Sev, gods I'm sorry. I love you so much and please never forget that. You will always be the one for me and I'm just sorry that I was too broken to stay with you. Don't do anything stupid once i'm gone. Just please stay strong. I know you can do it. I believe in you so much. Just try and find someone who will make you happy, okay? I doubt I ever could. Just know that I will always love you and I will never forget you.   
Goodbye Sev, I love you.         Love, Harry Potter

As I finished the letter, I felt the tears creep up on me again. A sickening feeling settled in my stomach and I knew it was finally time. I got up and approached my room on more time. Gently, I placed a soft kiss to Sev's forehead before I left the room and began my trek to the Astronomy Tower. 

I reached the tower entrance and turned to place multiple parseltounge wards that would keep out anybody until I died. I also placed a silencing charm on the area so nobody would hear anything that happened on the tower. I sat down on the ground and removed my shirt. I stared at the scars littered upon my arms and chest, some self-inflicted and others from my relatives.

Sighing, I pulled the black box out of my pocket and opened it. I took out a small razor blade before setting the box aside. Slowly I began to slice lines into the pale skin of my wrist. Soon though, I was overcome in anger and I began to viciously slice my arms open with the blade.

When I finally stopped, my arms contained deep bleeding cuts all over them. I knew that if I failed with the spell then I would die from blood loss. "Harry!?" I looked up as I heard the broken voice of my bondmate. I canceled the silencing charm and looked into the tear stained eyes of Severus Snape. "Why?" He asked quietly.

"I'm broken Sev. And there's nothing anyone can do to help me. "  
Severus sputtered before saying. "Why did you never tell me that this is how you felt?" I sighed and looked at the still bleeding cuts upon my arm. I knew I didn't have long left. 

"I know I can't be helped so what's the point in confessing." Severus sank to his knees on the edge of the wards and sobbed. It was breaking me to see my love like this but I knew that he could find someone better than me. But I knew that I had to be dead for him to find that somebody.

Fresh tears streamed down my face as I contemplated what to say to my Severus. "I'm sorry Sev. I really am. Just please know that I love you so much and that I always will and always have. I'm sorry it has to be this way but I know you will find someone better for you than me."

Severus raised his head and glared at me but all I saw was pain in his eyes. "What if I don't want anybody but you!? Goddammit Harry! I love you and only you. Please just don't do this! Please just let me in! " He screamed at me.

I just smiled at him. I knew it was almost time. My vision was starting to dim. I think he knew that too which was why he was currently trying to force my wards down. He couldn't manage it though. And it was breaking him.

Sev looked up at me one last time and said one heartbreaking word. "Please." I looked down and picked up my wand. Taking a deep breath, I looked into my bondmates eyes as I put the wand tip to my temple.

His eyes widened and more tears appeared. I smiled at him one last time. "I'm sorry. I love you Severus Snape." I whispered just loud enough for him to hear me.

I took one last breath and whispered two more words.

"Avada Kedavra"


End file.
